Gone are the days when I can just go out at the drop of a hat with my friends or even just in general. I spend 99.9% of my weeknights and weekends cuddled up in leggings and a sweater hanging out with my daughter and my husband. I’m so exhausted by the end of the day that I usually fall asleep as my toddler goes down around 8:30pm. I know, I’m a grandma.
I’m going to be honest here and say that I was never really much of a going out person to begin with. I would like to consider myself an introverted person. Going out was more of a headache than not so I would pick and choose the times that I would go. I always have had a close, small group of friends and was never very good at adventuring out beyond that. It was hard for me to open up to new people. Even when I actually tried, my insecurities would get the best of me.
All of that being said, with the combination of becoming a mom, maintaining my social life has become even more challenging. Being the first to have a baby among my friends seems so alienating at times. It’s one thing I wasn’t prepared for. It’s like I’m in another world. It’s tough when friends want to have fun and I’m over here looking for fellow mom advice such as how to get my baby to sleep through the night, how to calm her eczema or how to get her to stop hitting the cats. I know we’re at different stages in life.
I honestly don’t even feel like I speak adult language anymore as I spend all the time I have with my toddler when I’m not at work; and for the record, being a full-time working mom makes things even harder. I constantly feel guilty that I’m not there to be with my daughter. The time on the weeknights hardly ever feel like enough when you’re rushing home from work to cook dinner and tidy up a crazy household all while you have a toddler clinging to your leg begging for you to pick them up (but why is she so obsessed with me? Haha) and all of the sudden, it’s time to get us ready for bed. It feels like a vicious cycle every day of the week. Then, there’s the weekends that seem to fly by faster than they started.
I am sooo thankful to have a group of friends that are patient and understanding. Always asking me to do things even though I’m sure they expect me to say no majority of the time (keep on asking!). But It’s a constant battle of choosing between me-time, feeling the guilt of leaving my daughter and also feeling guilty leaving my husband to watch her. I know it sounds silly. He’s capable of watching her. I just feel bad if I’m out doing something and he isn’t. Oh, and don’t even get me started on choosing between sleep and a good time! Spoiler alert – sleep usually wins.
Ultimately, I know I should be taking time for myself to maintain healthy relationships all around. It’s just a matter of trying to find the right balance. I hope that one day I can return to normal conversations and outings as things get easier and my daughter continues to gain independence.